Times News Platforms. Real Estate. Facebook Twitter Show more sharing options Share Close extra sharing options. Both cast members, along with costar Cora Vander Broek, let the clothes and sheet fall to floor much to the shock of some audience members.
Cora Vander Broek. An intimacy consultant worked with the cast on scenes when the clothes come off. Jessica Gelt. Follow Us.
Since joining the Los Angeles Times in , she has written about television, music, movies, books, art, fashion, food, cocktails and more. She once played bass in a band with an inexplicably large following in Spain, and still gets stopped by fans OK, maybe a fan on the streets of Barcelona. She loves dive bars and very dry martinis with olives, though never simultaneously.
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The Internet never tires of connecting two unrelated worlds through the power of creepy, awful love, just like we never tire of snarking about these horrifying concoctions. So, once again, here are some stories that should win a Nobel Prize for discovering the long-term benefits of the universe's eventual heat death. After the Transformers bring peace to Earth, Sam finds himself unemployed, out of money, and too last-year's-hero to find a hot girlfriend. So he skips town and joins the Ghostbusters, because it's not like they haven't done anything in 30 years.
His first mission takes him to the Sedgwick Hotel, where he encounters Slimer, the annoyingly wacky green ghost who was the designated comic relief in a movie starring Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd. Look how serious these guys are. You need to break that tension or the movie gets unbearable. A mere six lines into A New Shade of Green , we get this:. When he found Slimer, and boy did he ever he had his ghostly cock out. He was pissing on the room service!
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What follows is Slimer unveiling a 3-foot cock, which grows to over 4 feet when hard. He proceeds to rape Sam and then hit him when he dares to cry out Bumblebee's name. Sam naturally decides he loves all of this, because in the world of fan fiction, it is very common for one's sexual horizons to be broadened via some kind of horrific assault.
To the author's credit, he at least realizes that Slimer is an asshole lover:. To Slimer, this squishy meat bag was just a moving fleshlight. No need to care for his wants, his desires. Only Slimers. Eventually, Slimer completely mutates into a 6-foot penis; no body, just a cock.
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Also, they're doing anal, which leaves "Sam's asshole Meanwhile, Janet, a worker at Ghostbusters Headquarters who did not exist before this thing was written, has sex with a mysterious woman who just showed up and got naked. Soon the two girls are joined by Steve from accounting, who "was actually named Logan. He preferred Wolverine, however. What we're saying is that erotic Internet fan fiction is a magical world where anything is possible.
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So anyway, now the X-Men are involved in this mess. Then Jean Grey shits into Janet's mouth, Janet eats it, Wolverine literally fills the entire room with shit, and the three suffocate and drown, neatly tying up this story's one and only loose end. Soon afterward, the government receives an anonymous tip from a dying Sam to nuke not only New York City, but Stillwater, a minor Nevada town used in one Transformers comic back in Of course, they immediately act on this tip and completely obliterate both cities, leaving "no survivors.
Via Vanityfair. Bella Swan and Edward Cullen already fuck like beasts in Twilight , so why bother wasting precious bandwidth on yet another erotic fan fiction romp?
Well, in Studio 33 , literally everything you reluctantly know about the two is thrown out the window in favor of turning Bella into a game show model and Edward into Drew fucking Carey. Yes, he's still named Edward, but he's no longer a brooding vampire; he's the new host of The Price Is Right , immediately succeeding Bob Barker, who in real life is more of an immortal undead bloodsucker than Edward ever was. Bella presents Edward with a very specific sexual fantasy: She wants to fuck him on set while playing an X-rated version of the game.
Like Bob didn't think of that first. As you read on, however, you realize that this is not Bella and Edward porn at all: This is percent The Price Is Right porn where somebody has inserted the Twilight cast in a cynical move to make it more marketable. The characters display precisely none of the personality traits that made them so unique-ish in the original books. They could have been literally any other characters on the planet, because the point is not to imagine Edward and Bella in bed; it's to get your rocks off to the idea of sexy Plinko.
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Which, naturally, she does, though we still feel she got cheated. One of those slots wins you a brand new case of herpes. It's not just Plinko, though: Edward creates an entire episode of the show from scratch, just for Bella. There's fake applause, lights, prizes, and even Rich the announcer calling her down to Contestant's Row we assume he was in the studio, watching all of this. Rich, for the record, is the only current guy from the show to be mentioned by name. So if he does nothing else in life, he at least has that on his resume.
Every game they play is built around sex, such as Hole in One, where the number of "mind-blowing orgasms" that Edward gives Bella depends on how quickly she can sink a putt-putt ball. And of course, since we're doing The Price Is Right porn, the game-related puns are even more prevalent than the fucking:. What's next? In the end, it's revealed that somebody recorded their tryst on a cellphone and sold the footage to a celebrity tabloid show don't pretend you wouldn't watch a celebrity sex tape if it featured them boning under the Plinko board. The beginning of Cookies Like Crack showcases the residents of Sesame Street staging an intervention, having finally tired of Cookie Monster's year-plus cookie addiction.
Rather than confront his demons, Cookie leaves Sesame Street and moves to California, where he meets Clay Morrow, the drug-dealing, murderous ex-president of the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club. They bond over cookies and milk, because even hardened, murderous bikers need a Toll House break every now and then.
Ron Perlman? Clay's head resting against the soft, furry expanse of Cookie's chest, and Cookie's hand on the man's shoulder, Baby Bear's blanket nestled between them. Well, here we go. Sex between a biker and a big blue sock is about to commence. This is Baby Bear, by the way:. Via Sesamestreet. So yeah, it's not just a name. Why New York harbor is the cleanest it's been in years. This story has been shared , times.
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